


disobeying is pain

by quartet



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Gen, God knows what they talked about, I am once again subjecting Benji to angst, Technically Ilsa did communicate with Benji in this fic but it was only mentioned in passing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:49:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27115667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quartet/pseuds/quartet
Summary: Is it a terrible thought to have if it's true?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	disobeying is pain

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in the events of Rogue Nation when Benji got kidnapped by Lane but instead his time as a hostage with Lane lasted way longer than it should've.

It's been a long while since he last saw his team.

He honestly can't remember who he is anymore, his identity has become a blur, hands marred with scars that shouldn't be there but is.

He hates it. But he can't do anything about it. All he can do is just stare and pick at it till it bleeds.

Vinter is the one who forces his hand away and sneers at him. "You better not bleed yourself dry, you're Solomon's prized possession. If you do, it's extra time on the electric chair for you."

Benji stares at him soullessly, his hands dangle by the side as he watches Vinter leave the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Left in the dark.

**Six months later**

His ears are pierced with an eerie noise, he clamped his head in pain as he tries to block it out. He looks up to see the alarm in the room going mad.

Staring daggers at the surveillance lens which was perched on the top corner of the room, he bellows in rage, "What the fuck do you want!"

Of course, no one answered him as the piercing alarm went on continuously. Benji collapses on the ground as he squeezed his eyes shut in pain. He can't take anymore of this.

He struggles to his feet, weak as he is and went straight to the door, banging on it repeatedly to signal them to stop.

That's when he got the wind knocked out of him, being slammed backwards by the force of the door opening inwards.

It’s Vinter. He's furious.

He disables the alarm with a click of a finger and stared menacingly at Benji. "If you try that racket again, you won't have any fingers left the next time around."

The door slams shut.

Benji closes his eyes in exhaustion, desperation and hopelessness. He can't keep doing this for God knows how long.

He stares at the grimy cracked wall in front of him. He thought of his friends; Ethan, the leader to them all, tries hard to do good and sometimes fails at it but no one blames him for it, he’s just an ordinary man thrown into unordinary situations. Luther, the loyal longtime friend of Ethan who has done nothing but stuck by his side through every hardship that has happened and a world class hacker. And, Brandt, a bit ill-tempered but focused and worries more than he cares to show.

“I hope you guys are alright.” He whispers to the silent room.

The night drags on, he's haunted by his thoughts.

He has to make a choice and never mind if it's a difficult one.

"I'm sorry, Ethan." He whispers vulnerably to himself.

**The next morning.**

Solomon places the morning cup of tea back down on his desk, he eyes Benji who looks like he hasn't slept in weeks approaches him. He leans back in his chair and folded his hands in on himself, not saying a word.

Benji sighs, "I'll help you."

He still doesn't speak.

"I'll help The Syndicate."

"And how am I supposed to know this isn't a ruse?" He spoke softly, voice laced with malice.

"Employ me with a task and I'll fulfill it," He looks at Solomon dead set on the eyes. "If I don't, you can have me shackled, tortured, whatever."

Solomon picks up the handle of his mug and brought it to his mouth, drinking it steadily till the tea bag was the only content left inside.

The mug clangs against the glass tabletop.

Benji awaited with baited breath.

"So be it."

Over the next couple of months, Benji has been in and out of various jobs that made him shed a copious amount of blood than he would've liked as a fresh field agent. Needless to say, the first few kills made him lurch in response. The sight of the fearsome eyes of his targets begging for mercy desperately as he merely looked away to pull the trigger. The pleading always gave way to silence and somehow it's worse when it's quiet.

He would return to Solomon, unclipping the micro camera from his collar and tossing it onto his desk. The micro camera is a method of making sure Benji goes through with his task and a means to monitor his every movement, one wrong move and he gets electrocuted to oblivion. Benji once tried to signal for his target to flee which was a grave mistake on his end as the target got shot point blank by an unseen marksman and he had bolts of electricity shot through him causing him to collapse on the ground and writhe in excruciating pain.

He laid awake twitching that night, eyes wide and breath erratic. A constant thought repeated like a broken record across his mind. "Disobeying is pain. Disobeying is pain. Disobeying is pain."

"I'm proud of you, Benjamin." Solomon would say to him as he was invited to sit with him while Vinter brings in the afternoon tea. He did suspect the tea had poison in it at first and refused to drink it which upset Solomon gravely that he withheld him from consuming any liquid the rest of the day up until the next day when they sat down for afternoon tea again that Benji would urgently accept the offer and downed it like a man in a desert.

"Good?"  
"Very."

Solomon smiles at him tight-lipped as he refills his cup. Benji's eyes trailing the flow of the liquid famishingly, nothing has ever looked this appetizing. As it's filled to the brim, Benji lunges for the handle and scarfs it down before settling it on the table as Solomon continues to take minute sips from his.

"I- I have a question if I may speak it into existence."

"Go on."

"What use is it of keeping me hostage for? Nothing has happened the past two months. No one has come to look for me." His voice cracked slightly at the last part. If Solomon had heard his voice crack, he surely didn't pay any mind to it.

"Potential lies within you and I'm not going to let it go to waste. It's a pity your 'friends' can't be bothered enough to help you harness your ability into fruition."

Benji looks at him distastefully. "You're only keeping me here because you think I can help you do your dirty bidding?"

"You're misinterpreting my words. I personally think you are an outcast that no one keeps for long but we wouldn't look past people like you. Your contribution to our cause have been highly valued."

Benji scoffs. "I didn't have a choice, it's either that or I die in my cell."

"I can't fault you for choosing to see it that way and I'm not going to take pity on you for doing so. But, I genuinely care for your wellbeing."

He doesn't believe what Solomon is spouting even a bit and yet a small thought that worms its way in from the back of his mind says otherwise. It is true that he has endured more suffering than he would've prior to his hostage situation but to factor in the details that he has been offered food and beverage, a place to stay and a string of jobs that rewards him no matter how much he resents it.

And he was visible here, the constant conversation that Solomon and sometimes, Vinter, and on the even rarer occasion, Ilsa have provided him, reminded him that he's still among the living and it's a great relief to him as the dark nights by himself has caused him to lose his identity and dissociate severely that he thought on several occasions, he didn't exist at all.

Benji picks at the lint protruding from his navy coat. It belonged to The Syndicate and a matter of fact that they have also provided him with a new wardrobe, coats, slacks and button downs that vary in quality but never cheap. To fulfill his jobs, he was provided with weaponry that shouldn't see the light of day but entirely necessary to complete them.

Is it a terrible thought to have if it's true? He thought to himself.

It felt like an eternity before Benji replies,

"I trust you."

Three more months have passed since Benji has decided to trust Solomon's word and in total six months have passed since he was taken from his so-called 'friends', finally coming to terms with the possibility that they had forgotten about him otherwise they would've looked for him earlier on. In those three months, he flourished like a wilted flower returning to full health. He got better; he trained with The Syndicate, his stamina increased, his alertness has never been this sharp and perhaps the greatest improvement of all, he doesn't flinch at his jobs anymore.

"Please, I- I have a boy on the way. M-mm-my wife needs me to care for her," The man sobbed as his shaky hands fumbled around the wall looking for the emergency button.

He merely tutted as he strode towards him, tapping the muzzle of the gun against his leather gloved hand.

"My condolences, truly."

"Please, I promised I would never tell. I wouldn't betray The Syndicate!" Still fumbling around looking for the emergency button but keeping his gaze trained on his assailant.

In a quick motion, a bullet was fired and went straight into his hand causing the man to yelp in pain and scream bloody murder.

"Don't think I didn't see you trying to call for help." He seethed.

The man sobbed continuously as he cradles the wounded hand that's bleeding over his pants.

"Please..."

He smiled at him pitifully.

"And for that, you'd pay."

The room turned silent.

He stood there, eyes closed, hand still griping his gun as he drew in a deep breath and releases it.

Ever so calm. He reveled in the serenity before leaving the room. The man bled out over linoleum tiles, his tear soaked eyes frozen in shock and the photograph of him and his wife on wedding day, happy as they were get soiled with fresh blood tainting the edges.

A year went by.

Benji has only risen in ranks and became Solomon's second in command. He was well respected, everyone in the network knew his name, his records and achievements. Achievements that have him feared by one and many. Under the guidance of Solomon, he has shed the shell of his former self. The tech nerd, the underdog, the comic relief; the one who everyone takes for granted.

Does he miss him? Tough.

He clears his throat alerting Solomon of his arrival in his office. "You wanted to see me?"

Solomon gestures for him to take a seat. The very same position that he once sat nine months ago, unsure, untrusting and still that weak individual.

He sits and crosses his legs. A steaming cup of earl grey tea is pushed towards him. "Thanks." Curling his fingers around the handle, he brings it to his lips and gently blew on it, causing vapours to dissipate.

"How was last night's assignment?"

"A real laugh. The assailant got themselves blown up by the own explosive they set."

Solomon chuckles, "Job well done."

Benji bows with his free hand.

"It has been a year hasn't it? Since you've been with us."

"It has."

"Have you any regrets what occurred the past year?"

"At first, yes. I resented it with every fibre of my being. Now? Eternally grateful."

"I'm proud of you, Benjamin. For the work you've done for us, and what you've grown to be."

Benji grins, "Dare I call for a toast?"

Solomon shrugs.

Both men raises their cups up high and clinks it then proceeded to consume a sip.

Half empty, they place their cups back down on their respective saucers.

"You're ready."

"What for?" He looks at him quizzically.

"I've been reserving this assignment for when I'm absolutely sure you wouldn't turn around and ambush us," Solomon adjusted his glasses. "I need you to eliminate Ethan Hunt."

He gazes at him stoically, searching for any signs of revolt.

Benji clenches and unclenches his jaw, his eyes strays away from Solomon's.

"Are you having second doubts, Benjamin?" He asks coldly.

Benji whips his attention back on Solomon and snaps, "You bloody wish."

Solomon picks up the butter knife that was lying adjacent to his saucer and held it against his throat. "Just because we're on good terms doesn't mean I won't hesitate to gut you for speaking out of line." He glowers.

The tense silence stretches before Benji swips the knife out of Solomon's hand and slams it down on the glass tabletop.

"You clearly don't know me enough to doubt my loyalties. And I insist on being the one to carry out the job."

Solomon stares at him coolly. "That's final then."

  
  
  


"I'm _sorry_ , Ethan."

**Author's Note:**

> I found an unfinished draft that was buried deep in google docs and basically had the title 'evil benji' and Benji was _way_ too submissive for my liking and too codependent on Solomon to live which doesn't sit well with me now and so well, that's gone. You get this instead. 
> 
> I don't know if I want to write the confrontation between Ethan and Benji but only time may tell. 
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read!


End file.
